Leaving

Ruff holiday. Too much detail to write, but the most important and significant account was happened after the holiday. As you can imagine, I did not see my husband Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday. Well, let me refrais that - I did SEE him, we just didnt talk to each other all weekend, and we avoided each other as much as possible. My family came over and they kept us busy for most of the weekend. When they left on Monday (I had off) my hubby went to work. On Tuesday night, Bebo went to his dads and I was left alone at home with the dog.

I had picked up a new book earlier and also bought myself a night light (Yay!). So I sat on the porch will all my Halloween decorations, all the purple and orange lights illuminating the small patio/porch and my book with mini booklight (yay!). My dog was sleeping on the floor by my feet and I was off in some vampire mystery love novel. It was grand. To my surprise, hubby came home. He mad some coffee which I declined and he sat down across the patio from me. He says... and get this... "We need to talk." imagine my surprise, HE wants to talk... usually its me going on and on about our relationship or our budgets, or something...!

I calmly put my book down and kept my mouth shut. This time, he went on and on about how miserable he was in the relationship and that he realized that he hasnt been putting his best effort into it and that his needs and goals right now are not with me or Bebo or making a family. To make a long onesided conversation short. He's leaving. Now let me say this. This is not the first time he's offered to leave my home. The last time, he chickened out and wanted to make it work... of course, make ME work on the relationship and he work at his J.O.B.

So I said okay. I suggested that he call his mother and ask her for help financially. And that he had until Christmas to leave. That it wasnt fair to me that he continued to use me because he was comfortable here. He agreed. Its been two days and we havent spoken, other than - "did you feed the dog." I think this time, he really is leaving. Im kind sad, but im also relieved. Actually, more sad than relieved, but I cant change anyone other than myself, and I cant force anyone to love me or SHOW love to me if they dont have it in them to do it. Im trying to keep positive about this experience although Im kinda numb about it right now.